This is a pretty odd occurrence.
Not because I don’t use it often, but because I usually:
1. lose the chapstick before coming anywhere near finishing it
2. lose the lid, forcing me to buy a new one
3. end up running it through the laundry and ruining some clothing.
Suddenly I find myself in territory I’ve never been in before. I’m awash with emotion and paranoid with schizophrenia.
Well, not really, but I was in the moment and the emotion/schizophrenia bit sounded good.
Anyway, I auditioned for a KWLT play last night. Because, you know, I don’t have enough to do right now. But it’s not really a big deal as the rehearsals won’t start until FASS is over, and I don’t expect to get a part, anyway.
That’s not to say that I thought my audition was bad or anything like that. I just tend to go into auditions with the expectation that I won’t be selected. It’s not a defeatist viewpoint–it’s realistic. There are only six parts in the show, four of which are male. So more guys are going to be turned down than accepted, and it’s more logical to assume you’ll be part of the majority.
However, the more important reason I do this is that when I expect nothing, there’s no pressure on me to perform. And with no pressure, the audition itself becomes my performance. It’s all I expect to do, so I can just do it and walk away content. After all, I don’t need it.
And if I do get in, then hey great. That’s a bonus and a positive.
I suppose this is really the way I live my life in general.