In need of a Peter Parker moment

The superheroes I identify most with are Robin and Spiderman.

Robin, cuz he kinda looks like me in the Teen Titans cartoon. Though you won’t catch me in tights. Ever.

Spiderman, because I understand his frustration.

The crux of Spiderman 2 is that Peter Parker’s personal life is suffering because he always puts other people’s needs ahead of his own. He’s an emotional mess, and his powers start failing him; he can’t sling webs, climb walls, and needs his glasses again. As a result, he stops being Spiderman so that he can live life on his own terms.

There’s this great part where he’s walking down the street on a bright, sunny day. Things are going just fine, because he’s looking out for number one and doing his best to be happy and productive as Peter Parker. If memory serves correctly, right about then he realizes that he no longer needs his glasses. With his mind at ease, his powers have started to return. That’s great, but he has no intention of using them anymore…why would he, when being Spiderman has only caused him trouble in the past.

I need one of those moments. I need to ditch all of the things I don’t really need to do and put myself first. I need to be happy with myself. I need to like myself.

Hah. Bet you weren’t expecting that last one, were you? Yes, I’ve come to realize that I don’t like myself right now, which is why I’m having all of these introspective thoughts and trying to effect major change in my life. After all, if I were happy with who I am then I wouldn’t be in search of something new and different.

I need to walk down the street and be, for the first time in a long time, truly carefree. To know that I’m not forgetting anything, putting things off, or ignoring someone else’s request. Just like Peter Parker.

When I get that moment, then I’ll know that I’m happy with my life. And then I can come back to all of the things I do now and see what fits within that life.

Like Peter, I need to figure out how to make the two different parts of my personality co-exist.