Something to be afraid of

Perhaps my biggest fear in life is that people will discover I’m a fraud. That I’ll promise something and not deliver on it, or say I’m something that I’m really not. If I’m as genuine as I think I am, this shouldn’t ever be an issue. No one should ever look at me and wonder if I lied to make myself sound better, or if I really just think I’m better than I really am.

This comes up not because of something I did, but because I came across someone recently who appears to have done this. S/he said something about his/er character, and then went completely against that statement.

It’s a little upsetting, but such is life. This world is covered with people who don’t back up what they say, be it minor stuff or major issues. And you have to get used to it. In many cases, I don’t even fault people for it…it’s all dependent on the circumstances.

I certainly hope the person who let me down did so out of circumstance. And even if not, I can forgive the transgression. No one’s perfect.

I guess that’s why I carry this fear inside me. While I can forgive others, I can’t rely on anyone else to forgive me. So I do my best to back up my words with appropriate action. I’ll go so far as to say or promise something purely so that I’ll force myself to do it. And while I may not like having to carry out the action, I like myself for following through.

I probably don’t always manage this, and in some cases my actions probably do appear inconsistent with what I’ve said in the past. Circumstance, right? It always gets in the way, making life a little more challenging.

Good thing, else I’d be completely bored.

Russ