That’s a big trophy

Sigh.

I was at a wedding in Scarborough, and the reception was held at a Chinese restaurant (the bride is Chinese). They decided to have a karaoke contest And hey, I like singing, so I picked an old favourite: Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da. Good tune. Classic stuff.

I had actually been trying to get a friend to sing it and then swap the bride and groom’s names in for Molly and Desmond (the actual names in the song), but he picked something else. So I did it myself. Yeah, I know…sounds like the same thing as two weeks ago, only this was a little more spur of the moment.

Anyway, I wasn’t really thinking about the fact that it was a competition…I was just having fun. And then later on they announced the winners…and I took first prize for the best English-language song (they also had prizes for Chinese songs), for which I received a rather large trophy. My buddy got second prize and a not-quite-as-large trophy.

I’ll post a photo of the trophy later…words don’t do it justice.

It’s well documented that I don’t like winning things. Winning makes me uncomfortable, for whatever reason. In particular, I don’t like winning raffle prizes and door prizes. It always seems silly to me how people clap when you haven’t done anything more than have the right ticket. That being said, I love clapping and cheering when other people win stuff like that. I just don’t want to be the person everyone’s clapping for.

Yep, it’s another deep psychological issue, I’m sure.

I’ve never been one to celebrate winning things…as a kid, I used to lose on purpose to some of my friends, purely because they enjoyed winning and I didn’t mind losing. Seemed a reasonable solution that kept everyone happy. And maybe that’s it….when I win something, that means that someone else had to lose. And I guess I just don’t like that.

It’s complicated, I know. Just accept that I don’t like winning things.

Whenever I do win something, you know what happens? I get a little embarrassed. And I know, that sounds silly. It is. It’s just that I’m paranoid about being seen as a show off…so I have the exact opposite reaction. Instead of celebrating freely, I try to be humble and probably just look dumb.

And you know what’s funny about that? I am a show off. Totally. Otherwise, I wouldn’t do a lot of the stuff I do. I like performing, and I like it when people watch me perform. Here’s the catch: I want to do it on my terms.

When I’m hosting Battle of the Bards or acting in a play, I’m in control of the situation. When someone else is announcing a winner, I’ve no control…either I win or I don’t.

Does any of this make sense? Maybe, maybe not. Really, I should just learn to deal with it and enjoy the moment. As with all things, what I should do might not be the same as what I actually do.

But I’m trying.

Russ