The Connection

I’m a little hung up on relationships lately. It’s not something I like admitting, but it’s true. I’m not in a hurry to be in love, and I don’t feel like I need someone to be dependent on or who will be dependent on me. I don’t feel like I’m incomplete or broken because I’m single. But lately, I’ve been missing something from my life, and I know exactly what it is.

The connection.

I’ve written and deleted a whole bunch of text trying to describe what I mean, and now I’m going to fall back on a movie to help me out. I don’t remember it well beyond the title, but that doesn’t matter. And a lot of people will probably recognize the bit I’m going to use without much explanation.

In “This is Spinal Tap”, a spoof comedy about a rock band, one of the band members is explaining how impressive an amplifier is by pointing out that most volume dials go up to 10…but this one goes to 11. And that makes it better than any other amplifier.

When it comes to relationships, I have a number of friends who rate as 10’s in terms of the connections we share. They’re maxed out, and I couldn’t be happier about that.

But I miss the 11.

11 is something I can only experience in a deeply committed, loving relationship. 11 is the woman whom I will join in sharing our lives and accomplishments. 11 is the unquestioned knowledge that I’m as close to her as I can possibly be.

It’s something that I’ve been fortunate enough to experience in my short lifetime, and I fully believe that I’ll experience it again some day.

In the meantime, I miss the feeling. It’s a good feeling. And it’s healthier for me to admit that I miss it than to pretend that it doesn’t bother me. I’m not going to do anything to try and force it to happen sooner; I can be patient and let the future unfold. I can just let it happen when it happens.

You can’t rush this sort of thing.



  1. Hey Sweetheart!

    You have an astoudingly healthy perspective on the situation. I haven’t been in a functional relationship in four years and it’s been six since I felt a strong connection to anyone and while I have occasionally been crtiticized for my committment-phobia I still believe it’s worth the wait to find someone who can blend nicely into your life without detracting from your independence or reshaping your values. There are certain matches that feel comfortable and you’ll know the next time one comes along. I think the best plan is to be open to it without having expectations. Until then, just shine.

  2. […] I’m always careful when I talk about this topic, because I don’t want it to sound like I need to be in a relationship. I get along just fine without a girlfriend.  But, as I wrote a few months ago, I miss feeling the connection. Being single is okay, but it’s more fun to share life with someone you love. That’s really all I have to say about it–the linked scatterthought pretty much captures how I feel about the subject. I’m just pointing out that it’s on my mind. […]

  3. […] In January, I expressed my frustration over being single. Not frustration, actually…just that I’m tired of it. Only now am I realizing why I’m feeling this way. It’s not that I’m lonely or incomplete or anything like that. It’s just the opposite, actually. […]

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