I spend a portion of my day sleeping. Let’s say seven hours a day on average. Which leaves 13 hours of consciousness.
Between 12 to 12.5 of those hours are generally spent feeling pretty good about myself, the things I’ve accomplished, and who I’ve become over the years. Who I’m still becoming.
Then there’s that last half-hour/hour. This hour…the one that prompted me to turn on my computer and start typing.
I suppose you could call this my melancholy time. It doesn’t happen every day, but when it does, it’s right before I fall asleep at night. I’ll find myself reflecting on my day and feeling quite satisfied…and then there’s a sudden turnabout. An edge of emptiness.
And you know what that is, of course. It’s the single-ness hitting me.
Not loneliess…which is what you were probably expecting to hear. I’ve too many friends and loved ones to feel lonely.
I lay here, a couple of cats besides me, and I feel like I’m living a successful life. And then I wonder how successful it is, without someone to share it with.
Some of you have read all this before…I wax poetic on the topic every now and then, trying to find new ways to express what I’ve already said. That is, after all, the point of thise site–to capture what I’m feeling at a specific point in time.
And yes, I recognize that this is something of an issue, since I’ve tried to restate my feelings numerous times over the past year.
Some people have told me that I don’t do enough when it comes to relationships. I might find a woman attractive, but I rarely do anything about it.
This is true, but I’m not sure that it’s correct.
I believe that you can meet someone and just click. That the mutual attraction does the work. That I don’t have to be out there hitting on women. That we’ll just find each other.
I suppose that’s a somewhat romantic notion. So fine, I’m a romantic.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
For the moment.