You should come out

Say there’s an event on Friday, and say, for argument’s sake, that it’s called Battle of the Bards (8pm at the Waterloo Community Arts Centre).

Sorry, I didn’t mean to plug Bards…it’s just a random example that happens to be relevant, because you should come out and see the show (especially if you’ve never attended).

And that’s where it becomes relevant: “you should come out”.

When single women utter this phrase to single men, they often mean it as “you should come out because I’ll be there”. It’s a heavy hint that the woman is interested in the man. Not always, of course, but often.

The man’s response is similarly dominant with exceptions: “is she inviting me to go there specifically to see her, or is she just suggesting that I go?”

We’re dumb that way. A woman can be pretty overt with her, “you should come out”. Her phrasing and accenting and body language can send unmistakable signals…everything short of clubbing the man over the head and dragging him home. If women did that.

And yet, he will still wonder what she means by it.

On the flip side, what happens if a man says, “you should come out”?

That depends on the guy. If he’s unsmooth (and I know that’s not a real word, but you know what I mean by it), then his confidence will give him away. If he seems nervous, then he’s interested. If he doesn’t seem to worried about it, then he’s just suggesting an activity.

If he’s smooth, then it’ll come out like he doesn’t care and there’s no way to know what’s going on in his head.

Either way, it doesn’t really matter what he’s thinking. In general, the woman will assume that he’s trying to ask her out without really asking her out. In which case he’s either cute, charming, pathetic, a combination of the above, all of the above, or something else that I forgot to list.

The single woman, inherently distrusting the single man, will assume that the phrase is designed to get her into his company.

And let’s be honest: single women are right to distrust single men. There’s a lot of creeps out there.

The end result is that the expectations a person (woman or man) connects with this phrase may or may not have a basis in reality.

No way to know. Well, I suppose you could just ask right up front.

But I’m pretty sure that would earn you a permanent spot on the “unsmooth” roster.



  1. Wow, Russ, two exceptionally entertaining and witty scatterthoughts in a row. What a gift! Thank-you so much for this

    Happy Earth Day! (almost)

  2. I just got a book. It’s called “DSI: Date Scene Investigation, The Diagnostic Manual of Dating Disorders”

    You should read it. 😉

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