It’s not that I don’t like myself…well, not entirely.
I’m not quite sure how to explain it, really. I suppose it’s more accurate to say that I’m not content with myself.
As I’ve said before, I like who I’ve become over the years. I’m the kind of person that I would personally have great respect for if I were on the outside looking in.
I like to think that I set a good example for those around me, and could be a role model to others.
I like to think that the role models who’ve made the greatest impressions on me would be proud of their contributions to my character development.
But I’d also like to think that I could be genuinely happy to be myself.
I know, I know. I’ve babbled about this topic for months now, with seemingly no end in sight. Hey, if you’re bored with it, go elsewhere. If you need to see how it ends, then stick around.
You see, it sounds like I’m stuck in neutral–and I certainly write that way at times–but the truth is that I’m in the midst of my genesis. You just can’t quite see it.
The words of any given scatterthought reflect my thoughts and feelings at that point in time, and I’ve been up and down a lot in 2007. But each time I publish those words for all to see, I’m making a statement about my future. I’m committing myself to change and, more importantly, reminding myself that it’s necessary.
I’m preparing myself mentally for the major shift that I know is coming. And I’m encouraging that shift to announce itself and wash over me.
I’m living a life that’s far from perfect, and choosing a path that will bring me a little closer to the perfection I seek.
Most importantly, I’m believing that it’s possible.
Hey Russ, I hear you! I understand what you have been on about over the last while. I think at some point in everyone’s life, we all go through something like you are going through. In particular, those of us who have more than one “personality”.
I think you are on the right path – in that you are aware that you want to change. I think the next step is a big one though. For me – it was a career change, and a radical one. But don’t discount the power of talking to someone (ie counsellor or therapist), before you make your next move.
These people are there to help and you never know how much you might figure out about yourself if you actually talk to someone with whom you only have the topic of “you” to talk about… think of it as brainstorm or a sounding board for new ideas…
Anyhow, good luck and take care