I survived April 2007

And it wasn’t as bad as I expected.

That may be the key word: expected. I knew well in advance that last week would be tough, and I suppose I mentally prepared myself for it. So when it finally came around, it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated.

The KWLT Golden Age of Radio Weekend went well. I’m not sure what the long-term, repeat potential is, but I had fun performing and I’d do it again. I also managed to fit in some golf, hitting the driving range between shows on Saturday afternoon. Surprise, surprise: my swing hasn’t completely deserted me, as I feared would be the case. So now I just need to find some time to get back out on the golf course. Oh wait, I’ve already scheduled time. I set up a lesson with my instructor to work on my short game, that’ll be on May 19th, and then I’m flying out to Vancouver in mid-June to visit the family and hit the links.

In the midst of this, I’m debating whether or not I’m going to audition for KWLT’s travelling road show, which is a revision of last summer’s highly successful History of the Human Race (Abridged). On one hand, I’d love to do it again. On the other, I don’t know if I really want to commit to something else right now…

Yes, that’s right. Even though I just finished one project, I’m not rushing into another. There is, after all, a first time for everything.

As for today…I’m hungry. I’m in the midst of this juice/fruit fasting thing with my coworkers. Yesterday was difficult, as I got really hungry and sleepy in mid-afternoon. I went home and slept the entire evening, and woke up feeling pretty good this morning. I’m hungry right now, but it’s mostly mental hunger. That is to say, my stomach’s growling a bit, but what I really want is to chew and taste.

It’ll be mildly satisfying tomorrow morning when I can start eating fruit, but what I really want is something dry. Actually, what I’m really craving right now are Doritos, and that’s my own fault. There’s a sealed bag of Doritos in my room, which I bought before the weekend for the cast and crew to snack on at the theatre. But I forgot about it and left it in my car’s trunk, so now it’s sitting on my desk. Why on my desk? Because my roommate’s trying to eat healthier and has requested that I not leave junk food in the kitchen. So now I’ve got this damn bag of chips laughing at me…even though I’m writing this Scatterthought from my office, I know it’s sitting there grinning at the thought of its continued existence.

Well, I’ll show you, stupid bag of Doritos. When this fasting thing is over, I’m NOT going to eat you immediately. Oh no. Instead, I’m going to buy more bags and eat them all right in front of you! Then we’ll see who’s laughing. I’m going to make you watch as I devour every single chip. Every single crumb. While you cower in fear, knowing that this is the fate awaiting you. Knowing the painful road that lies ahead. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.


And then, when you can’t take it anymore…when all that matters is the sweet relief that will end your existence, I’ll pick you up, grab you by the seams, pull until you’re just about to open up and reveal the nacho-cheesy goodness inside…and then I’ll stop. And I’ll eat another bag in front of you, while you quietly whimper and cry.

Only then, when you are completely beaten down and broken up (figuratively, not literally) will I finally deliver the ultimate pain.

And you will know the folly of your actions.

Umm…did I mention that I’m kinda hungry right now? Otherwise, the fasting is going pretty well.


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