So, after publishing my manifesto a little over 24 hours ago, in which I established my goal of eventually taking over Kitchener-Waterloo, an alternate future has suddenly presented itself in the form of a Vancouver-based job posting that I simply cannot resist. It just wouldn’t be right for me not to apply, since it’s so freakin’ perfect. If I told you what it is, then you would agree. You just would. However, I’m not going to do so on the outside chance that you might also have the skill set necessary to meet the requirements.
Instead, I’ll tell you after the application deadline passes on January 6th.
To be perfectly clear, I don’t expect this opportunity to pan out in any meaningful way, but it’s one of those things that will haunt me if I don’t at least try. I’d rather get a shot at it and turn it down than never know what could have been.
And technically, it wouldn’t necessarily preclude my eventual ownership of Kitchener-Waterloo–it would just delay it. There would be nothing stopping me from eventually moving back to KW, though I could just as easily stay in Vancouver at that point.
Also, I suppose the delay would potentially make the takeover a little more difficult, since the cities will keep growing and developing in my absence. So let’s say that if I were to get the job in Vancouver, I’d push back my goal of city domination to…2027. I’ll be 50 years old in 2027, and if I don’t have my own city by then, I don’t think I’ll bother.
The nice thing is that there’s no pressure on this job application, so I can say exactly what terms I will require in order for me to take the job. If the employer can’t meet them, they can find someone else with my skill set. That being said, I’m willing to be flexible within reason–in the end, the offer works or it doesn’t. For example, I’ll be adamant about delaying the start until the summer, so that I can get my affairs in order in Ontario.
Crazy how things happen, eh?
You’re probably wondering what the heck could be so enticing, and I’m sorry that I won’t say more about the job description right now. I don’t think I directly know anyone who would share my qualifications and interest in the position, but I’ve really no idea who reads Scatterthought these days (if anyone), so better safe than sorry.
I will say this much: to apply for the job, you have to have a university degree and be between the heights of 5’0″ and 5’6″. Given those requirements and some other hints in this scatterthought, you might be able to find the job on the Web. Or you can just wait a few days for me to tell you. Your choice.
Happy Boxing Day!
